Tag Archives: Liz

Some particularly awesome/typical Karen email subject lines

1)      Pants On/Pants Off
2)      Not trying to be a heinous bitch BUT
3)      Every status of hers makes me cringe
4)      This happened
5)      Ok so
6)      I know i’m a bitch but
7)      OMG Read Right Away!
8)      ________ is CRAZIER
9)      Overshare!
10)     ________ LET ME BACK ON HER WALL!!!

The above post (including title) is the verbatim copy of an email Liz just sent me.


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What you deal with when you’re my friend

Feel bad for Liz…
me:  ok
i can do that
thank you
Liz:  no need to be sorry
Liz:  it was until that point
me:  i just wanted you to feel needed
Liz:  i think i’m perfectly fine not feeling needed
but whatever
me:  le sigh

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My middle school theater career

I used to be a big deal in our community youth theater group.  If by “big deal,” you mean “significantly taller than my peers and thus forced to play a mom in the 7th grade.”  I started in 4th grade, and I, in fact, met Liz there. In 4th grade, Liz had a better part than I. That would be the last time. In 5th, 6th, and 7th grades, Liz and I had parts of equal level.  And then Anne of Green Gables happened and we experienced a major divide between the theatrically gifted (me) and the drama hoi paloi (Liz). Looks like the wound is still wide open.

me: [Redacted former castmate from middle school theater group’s Facebook status] Upper Darby High Schoolers: AUDITIONS tomorrow and Wednesday for the fall play production of “Anne of Green Gables!” 4:00 on both days. Please choose either day to attend auditions. Callbacks, if necessary, will be held on Thursday at 4:00. WOOOOOOOOO!

you should ask [redacted] who she casts as the swings

and offer to coach them to greatness

you may not remember this, but in anne of green gables

i had a major role

Liz: you could ask her if any dorky young girls need help learning how to act like old women

me: OUCH


i feel like you might still be bitter

about your inferior role

Liz: whatever

i was gertie pie for 2 nights

me: oh i was mrs. barry for 4 nights

b/c my part was so important

that it was double cast

i don’t’ know if you remember that

Liz: whatever

i confronted alison about her bulemia

so much cooler

me: oh i didn’t have time for stuff backstage

b/c i was on stage so often

w/ my huge part

that was so important

Liz: while i continued getting cooler backstage

me: well you were back there a lot

Liz: being cool

and trash talking nerds who played adults

me: easy to be cool when you’re not under the hot spotlight

Liz: wow

me: i’ve really enjoyed this exchange

i’ll probably blog it

Liz: nerds do like to blog conversations with their cooler friends

to prove they aren’t complete nerds

me: wow

seems like you’re really upset about this

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In which Liz makes me reevaluate our entire 17 year friendship

me: look

everyone needs stepping stone friends


Liz: very true

i thought that’s all you would be

then i got stuck


Liz: that’s right

me: i’m the best thing that ever happened to you

Liz: i thought we could ride the bus

make each other feel comfortable at lunch

and go our separate ways


me: and then i got a car and you didn’t…

and you needed a ride…

Liz: totally

you kept the perks coming

me: and so my Ford Explorer brought us together

i was only friends w/ you b/c i was trying to up my badass quotient

like when i would sit in detention w/ you even though i didn’t have detention

Liz: i don’t remember that


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How to talk to girls

Just in case you needed a refresher:

Liz: whatever

you’re supposed to indulge all of my bitching

me: ugh

i’m sorry

she’s a whore

and i bet you look skinny today

Liz: niiiice

Liz: whatever

you’re supposed to indulge all of my bitching
me: ugh
i’m sorry
she’s a whore
and i bet you look skinny today
Liz: niiiice

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Birthday Tribute: Liz

It was Liz’s birthday yesterday and I owed her a birthday tribute.  Usually I just post a picture and tell you how much I love the person, but Liz and I have a special relationship.  So I’ve decided to tell you the top 5 reasons I love her:

  1. She was a really talented actress in 4th grade! In 4th grade, Liz was Toodles the Lost Boy in Peter Pan.  I was an unnamed Lost Boy.  Subsequent roles were a little less robust with Liz playing an orphan in Oliver, the mayor’s daughter (made up part) in Bye Bye Birdie, and the understudy to the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.  But you should know she started at the top.
  2. She had a whole separate birthday party in 8th grade just so that I could be invited to one! In 8th grade, Liz and I both transferred to Baldwin from Strath Haven Middle School.  Liz’s Strath Haven friends told her they wouldn’t go to her birthday party if I was there (because I was a nerd), so Liz threw a separate party for her new Baldwin friends.  Wasn’t that nice of her?  She also told me all of the horrible rumors that had been spread about me while I’d been in public school that I didn’t know about…
  3. She’s teaching me to become a really great Philean. It’s not going particularly well, but she gets bonus points for trying so hard.
  4. She supports, enables, and pushes my online stalking. Seriously, if we had gym class together in 6th grade, Liz and I are probably trying to find out exactly what you’re up to.  Also, if Liz has friended you on Facebook and you don’t know why because you haven’t talked since 6th grade… it’s probably because we wanted to stalk your profile.
  5. She tolerates all of my neuroses. Seriously, if you think I’m bad with you, you should know that I’m officially 10x worse with Liz.  Promise.

Here’s to all the good times we’ve shared, Liz:



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If fashion didn’t kill the Backstreet Boys, surely swine flu won’t either

If you’re like me, when you learned that Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys has swine flu, you’re heart stopped a little.  Backstreet Boys defined high school for me culminating in the Black & Blue tour my senior year of high school when Liz, Liz, Sarah, and I went to the concert. I carried a poster for Kevin because he was always my fave.

Incidentally, at that concert, some woman threw a bottle of salad dressing on stage and Nick read aloud the card “you can toss my salad, Nick.”  Stay classy, Philadelphia.

Anyway, while you wait with baited breath for Brian to heal, please enjoy these photos of some of Backstreet’s more ridiculous outfits.  Seriously, click through because I’m only putting my top 5 below:

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