This Eagle Scout earned every single merit badge:
So both Married Brother and Unmarried Brother were Eagle Scouts (although Married Brother’s “hardcore” final project involved setting up a card table and handing out free lightbulbs… not exactly strenous) and I totally respect the B.S.A., but this kid seriously needs some friends.
Merit badge-earning is not a hobby. Shawn Goldsmith seems to think this will help with his social life:
“If I run into a stranger, there’s definitely something to talk about. I have 121 topics to talk about,” he says when asked why he did it.
Dude, don’t tell anyone. Just tell them you know how to light a fire with a toothpick and some dental floss and call it a day.
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One of my favorite Daily Show clips in a while.
Ellie: no i’m writing commendation emails to parents
because their kids did something good
me: oh that’s good
maybe i’ll send one to your mom
for you being good and helping with my essay
did your mom get too many commendation emails about you?
she got phone calls home after i got in trouble for driving to the bagel bin during a bomb threat
Ellie: and after i slept through an AP exam
and after i hit the car in front of me because i was driving with my eyes closed
your poor parents
Ellie: oh please they’re the same way
i paid for everything
they never lost a cent
i’m a cheap child
me: oh i’m expensive
that’s my problem
light on headaches, heavy on the pocket book
actually, i talk a lot so heavy on headaches too
Ellie: hitting the car in front of my because i was driving with my eyes closed was pretty funny
i was with our crazy argentine exchange student soledad
she told me to do it
except i had to work an extra two shifts a week at the restuarant to pay for the damage
good learning experience
me: what did you learn?
not to listen to exchange students?
or not to drive with your eyes closed?
Ellie: if you drive with you eyes closed, you’ll have to work 4 nights a week at the restaurant
which actually worked out great
because i was already into college and wasn’t doing anything spring semester of my senior year
except waiting tables
which is a great learning experience
because you learn that people are jerks
me: i think there’s an aesop fable about that
the waitress and the jackass
Well, I had a fabu time with Ellie this weekend, so here are the major things I learned while I was away:
1. There’s more to Atlanta than an airport, lost baggage, and the Houlihans in the Delta terminal. In fact, there’s a whole city!
2. Teenagers in Atlanta have milkshake parties. I don’t know what they are, but they sound dirty.
3. If this weekend’s weather is any evidence, global warming is a lie. It was 42 degrees and raining and cold.
4. Ellie’s dog looks just like my former 80-year old neighbor, Kitty.
5. Half marathons, just like class work, require preparation. And, just like with course work, Ellie and I do not motivate each other to prepare for or complete them.
Another thing I learned was that Amy is a far superior photographer to me. Here’s the picture Amy took of me (please note country music concert appropriate western-style shirt):
Here’s the picture I took of Amy (please note she suddenly has a martian green glow and red eye):
As typed in my apology, Amy and I went to see George Strait on Saturday night. Obviously it was a great night for country music, but there were also some lessons learned.
- The people of Philadelphia (specifically those in attendance at a George Strait concert) are notsoattractive. Seriously, 50% of the people there were morbidly obese, 50% were wearing outfits that looked like they were sold off by Nickelodeon after Hey Dude ended, 50% were walking before photos for Proactiv, and 50% were just plain heinous. (Yeah, there was a lot of overlap between categories).
- George Strait was AMAZING.
- Little Big Town was hauntingly beautiful — seriously, even if you don’t like country, they have the incredible harmonies of Fleetwood Mac and are a little less “twang-y” than some other groups.
- Sarah Johns opened for George Strait. She was a dud. Notsocute and notsotalented.
- The chick sitting next to me (not Amy) was seriously disturbed. At various moments, she rode her chair like a horse (I’ll demonstrate next time I see you if you ask me), shouted out that George Strait’s band sucked (probably not the right crowd for that), ate her popcorn in a manner that made me physically ill, and text messaged her friends about a crush/stalkerish obsession she had with one of her “friends.” My favorite text message read: “seriously i think about mel all the time and i ain’t doin nothin’ to hurt her. am i screwed???”