I like making lists. Here are two. I might do more another time if you all enjoy.
5 Things I Love
- Flavored mayonnaises and aiolis. Ummm, dip my sandwich in something creamy/spicy/delicious? Don’t mind if I do! I will seriously change my order just to get the food/sandwich that comes with the best sounding flavored mayo. Bonus points if it’s chipotle mayo served with either a cheeseburger OR a Cuban sandwich.
- Catchy songs that get stuck in my head for a while and make me want to whistle. Example.
- My room in Nantucket. I haven’t seen it this year (no bitterness there…) but it’s tiny and has roses growing over the roof and I can see the ocean from it.
- When friends with hobbies turn out to actually be talented and you don’t have to lie. Similarly, when people have babies that are actually cute. I’m a terrible liar so I love it when I can actually say “your baby is so adorable” and “you were amazing” instead of “your baby looks so healthy” and “you must have worked so hard!” It just makes everything easier. So, friends, please stay talented and have attractive children.
- The Soup on E! The Soup never disappoints and never fails to introduce me to at least 3 shows I didn’t know existed. No small feat! Also, I want Joel McHale to leave his wife and be my boyfriend. In fact, if you took Riggins’ looks, Joel’s sarcasm, and Simon’s… entire gestalt, you’d have the perfect man. Actually, hold that, I might have to come back and build the perfect man another time instead of on the fly right now.
5 Things I Don’t Love
- When I go to the movies to see a cheesy Sandra Bullock romantic comedy and all of the trailers are super scary and give me nightmares. If I wanted to watch crazy inmates or creepy children or domestic abuse, I’d be watching movies like that already. Hello, cinema advertisers, where’s the targeting?
- American Idol contestants who underperform when it counts and apparently save all their stage presence and talent for the American Idol summer tour. I’m talking to you, Matt Giraud.
- People who mispronounce “crèpe.” It’s not crAYpe, it’s crEHpe. This particularly upsets me when it’s said by people with whom I’ve shared French class. Come on, please tell me that after all that time we know the difference between un accent aigu et un accent grave. Oh, and if you didn’t know, now you can correct yourself.
- When my DVR cuts off the “scenes from next week.” I mean, it’s technically worse when the they cut off the end of a show, but I can always find that somewhere online. I like to know what’s coming next and that’s WAY harder to track down!
- Joy Behar.