My mother came through with the most disgusting April Fools email EVER this year. I wasn’t fooled, but I was nauseated, so she’s got that going for her…
I’m really sorry to tell you this, but after a total annoying snafu with the [Family redacted] yesterday, [Boy’s name redacted] and his “friend” Kelsey ended up spending the night here in your room.
I’d rather not go into “monthly” details, but your mattress is finito in my opinion. Any preferences for a new one if I can convince your dad that this is imperative? (He is in favor of just flipping the mattress.) HELP!