My mother came through with the most disgusting April Fools email EVER this year. I wasn’t fooled, but I was nauseated, so she’s got that going for her…
I’m really sorry to tell you this, but after a total annoying snafu with the [Family redacted] yesterday, [Boy’s name redacted] and his “friend” Kelsey ended up spending the night here in your room.
I’d rather not go into “monthly” details, but your mattress is finito in my opinion. Any preferences for a new one if I can convince your dad that this is imperative? (He is in favor of just flipping the mattress.) HELP!
Well, I had a fabu time with Ellie this weekend, so here are the major things I learned while I was away:
1. There’s more to Atlanta than an airport, lost baggage, and the Houlihans in the Delta terminal. In fact, there’s a whole city!
2. Teenagers in Atlanta have milkshake parties. I don’t know what they are, but they sound dirty.
3. If this weekend’s weather is any evidence, global warming is a lie. It was 42 degrees and raining and cold.
4. Ellie’s dog looks just like my former 80-year old neighbor, Kitty.
5. Half marathons, just like class work, require preparation. And, just like with course work, Ellie and I do not motivate each other to prepare for or complete them.
In just two weeks, three different Tampa teachers have been arrested for having sex with students.
This surprises me because:
a) high school girls are pretty slutty these days
b) I watched the Mary Kay Letourneau Lifetime movie and totes didn’t understand the appeal
c) ummm… how many disgusting 40-year old women can there be in one county?
Since 2005, at least 10 schoolteachers in Hillsborough and neighboring counties have been arrested on similar charges.
Apparently, Dawson’s Creek was closer to reality than we all thought!
Articles you should be reading, even though you’re not, because none of my friends are conservative…
Tonight I’ll definitely pull together some lessons learned in Hotlanta this weekend, but in the meantime, I wanted to remind you all that… it’s OPENING DAY!
I’ve come to terms with the fact that my Yankees aren’t the same team they were in the late 90’s and I’m telling myself that I’m really excited about change.
By the way, change = winning a World Series sans Joe Torre.
I just remembered that when I had dinner with CJ this week, it took me about 20 minutes to order my entree. So maybe I’m still a little bit uptight/controlling :-)
In my college years, I was often called “uptight,” but I realized this morning that I’ve completely transformed.
My proof is that the Karen of 5 years ago would have had multiple sizes of zip-loc bags at her disposal while packing for a trip. New “relaxed” Karen had to take zip-loc bags from the kitchen while she was packing.
So… yeah. Complete transformation. You probably won’t even recognize me the next time you see me.